"Opposites
attract" is a law of attraction, at least where
electromagnetism is concerned. But are there laws
about attraction between two people? "In a world
that is full of strangers" as a line in a famous
song of the 1980's goes, is there a clear set of
rules that allows two people to fall for each other?
Is attraction a matter of chemistry?
Maybe. According to scientists, the attraction
between animals of the opposite sex is all about
chemicals called pheromones. The effect of
pheromones in behavior of insects is the most
studied to date. It has been observed, at least in
some experiments, that pheromones are responsible
for communication among same species and colony of
ants. The horrible odor released by skunks to ward
off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone. Some
species of apes rub pheromone-containing urine on
the feet of potential mates to attract them. Some
scientists believe that animals (usually the
females) such as insects and mammals send out these
chemical signals to tell the male of their species
that their genes are different from theirs. This
gene diversity is important in producing offspring
with better chances of survival. The perfume
industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to
increase one's sexual attractiveness to the opposite
sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer
were hunted down for these chemicals.
Lately, scientists are looking into the existence
of human pheromones and its role in mate selection.
There are many conflicting views in the realm of
biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology. Most
scientists would assert that these do not exist, or
if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction
between a man and a woman. But new researches such
as that conducted by Swiss researchers from the
University of Bern led by Klaus Wedekind are slowly
making these scientists rethink their stand. Their
experiment involved women sniffing the cotton shirts
of different men during their ovulation period. It
was found out that women prefer the smell of men's
shirts that were genetically different, but also
shared similarities with the women's genes. This,
like in the case of insects and other mammals, was
to ensure better and healthier characteristics for
their future children. But researchers also
cautioned that preference for a male odor is
affected by the women's ovulation period, the food
that men eat, perfumes and other scented body
products, and the use of contraceptive pills.
Does personality figure in sexual attraction?
Yes, but so does your perception of a potential
mate's personality. According to a research
conducted by Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on
interpersonal attraction and personality, a person's
sense of self-security and at least the person's
perception of his/her partner were found to be
strong determinants of attraction in hypothetical
situations. What does this tell us? We prefer a
certain personality type, which attracts you to a
person. But aside from the actual personality of the
person, which can only be verified through close
interaction through time, it is your perception of
your potential partner that attracts you to him/her,
whether the person of your affection truly has that
kind of personality or not. This could probably
account for a statement commonly heard from men and
women on their failed relationships: "I thought
he/she was this kind of person."
So how does attraction figure in relationships?
You have probably heard that attraction is a
prelude, or a factor towards a relationship. Most
probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction
alone cannot make a relationship work. It is that
attraction that makes you notice a person from the
opposite sex, but once you get to know the person
more, attraction is just one consideration. Shared
values, dreams, and passions become more significant
in long-term relationships.
So should I stop trying to become attractive?
More than trying to become physically attractive,
work on all aspects of your health: physical,
emotional, mental, and spiritual. Physical
attraction is still a precursor. Remember, biology
predisposes us to choose the partner with the
healthiest genes. Where your emotions are concerned,
just ask this to yourself: would you want to spend
time with a person who feels insecure about
him/herself? Probably not! There is wisdom in
knowing yourself: who you are, your beliefs, values,
and dreams. And do not pretend to be someone you are
not. Fooling another person by making him/her think
that you share the same values and beliefs is only
going to cause you both disappointments. When you
are healthy in all aspects, attractiveness becomes a
consequence and not an end. As mentioned in the
Klohnen and Luo's research, a person's sense of
self-security matters, perhaps even beyond
attraction. But remember: do these things for
yourself and not for other people. Only then can you
truly harness your attractiveness as a person.
