Men, if you want to satisfy any woman - every
time, read on!
Sex can be long, slow and romantic, or it can be
quick, urgent and intense. And it often doesn't make
much difference to a man's enjoyment whether sex is
over in a minute or it takes all night. Indeed,
sometimes sex can seem a lot easier if it is over
quickly and we don't have to make much of an effort
to please our partner. The trouble is, of course,
that sex like this is generally very unsatisfying
for a woman, and a man who adopts this as his
standard lovemaking technique isn't likely to be
enjoying sex for very long before his partner
departs to find someone more considerate in bed!
Here, then, are some simple guidelines which will
help to make sex good for both of you - and that
way, give you the chance to enjoy it more often!
1. Enjoy foreplay
The big difference between men and women is in
the need for foreplay. Even though many women like a
quick, intense session of sex once in a while, we
know that on average it takes between ten and twenty
times as long for a woman to become aroused and
ready for intercourse as it does for a man. And even
though a woman's vagina may get wet very quickly,
most women need a period of foreplay before they are
emotionally ready for penetration. What this means
in practice is that foreplay needs to last for at
least ten - and preferably twenty - minutes if
intercourse is going to be a good experience for a
woman. But here's the interesting thing - the huge
majority of women who enjoy foreplay for twenty
minutes will have an orgasm. And since a woman's
orgasm is not only satisfying for her, but adds to
her partner's excitement as well, you can see it's
well worth enjoying your foreplay.
So what does good foreplay involve? You might
just see foreplay as a prelude to intercourse, or
you might see it as an end in itself which
culminates in orgasm for one or both partners - and
that's a good alternative to sexual intercourse if
you want safe sex, of course. But assuming that
foreplay is going to lead up to intercourse, it can
take several forms, including:
Kissing - appreciated by every part of the body
Petting - touching, stroking, nibbling
Massage - a variety of pressures and strokes across
a women's entire body using scented oils, feathers,
silk, or nothing but hands
Masturbation - solo or mutual masturbation
Oral sex - fellatio and cunnilingus
For men, it's a great idea to become an expert in
the arts of gentle touching, caressing and kissing.
Vary the pressure of your touch or kiss, switch
between firm and gentle pressure, pause and resume -
all strategies which prevent the foreplay becoming
boring. But perhaps the greatest asset that a man
can have during foreplay is expertise in the gentle
art of pleasuring a woman orally - in other words,
be an expert at cunnilingus. In survey after survey,
women report that they like cunnilingus above all
other forms of sexual activity. This is because it's
a reliable route to orgasm for most women - much
more reliable than intercourse, and in many cases
it's easier than masturbation. It's also an act of
real intimacy and trust - qualities which women
appreciate in their partner.
There are many websites which offer advice about
the best oral sex techniques, offers hints and
advice on how to enjoy oral sex, as well as
providing a lot of advice about sexual positions,
written from the point of view of both a man and a
woman.
2. Be sensitive to her needs
Being with a selfish lover is a complete turn-off
for a woman. It's no use you just going through the
motions - either you're committed to giving her a
good time or you're not. And being selfish isn't
just about making a dive for her erogenous zones and
satisfying yourself after a few perfunctory minutes
of foreplay - even if she lets you! To give her a
good time you need to be with her emotionally as
well as physically, with your attention fully
focused on what you're doing. Successful sex comes
from being fully present with her during the act of
lovemaking - being responsive to her movements,
words, and feelings. If you're pleasuring her
orally, for example, watch how her body shifts
slightly as she moves towards her orgasm. These
small movements indicate whether she wants you to
move your focus, press harder or more softly, speed
up or slow down. And remember that good sex isn't
generally the same for women as it is for men: when
you masturbate, you probably enjoy increasing the
speed and pressure of your hand movements as you get
near orgasm. For her, consistency and a steady
rhythm are likely to be much more important until
she's really on the edge of her orgasm. Only then
will a faster rhythm and a harder pressure of your
fingers or tongue, depending on what you're doing,
help her over the edge and into the bliss of her
orgasm.
3. Let her come down from orgasm in an intimate
embrace
When a woman reaches orgasm, it can be so intense
that she needs a few minutes to recover and come
fully back to the here and now. So after she's
enjoyed her orgasm, let her rest gently in your arms
if that's what she wants, feeling your love and
affection before you continue with your sex.
Remember the after-effects of orgasm are different
for a man and a woman: most men can't get an
erection again straight away, and may even lose
interest in sex for a while after they have
ejaculated. The whole idea of satisfying her before
you take your pleasure is so that you don't just
reach orgasm, ejaculate, turn over and go to sleep.
The guiding principle is "she comes first!" Remember
this simple idea, and you'll enjoy much better sex.
After a woman's enjoyed her orgasm, it takes her
body and mind much longer to lose their arousal than
it does for a man. So, after good foreplay, and
hopefully an orgasm, she'll still be sexually
aroused, ready to enjoy penetration and intercourse
with you.
4. Remember that penetration is important to
her; make it special and do it elegantly
The act of penetration can be just as important
to your partner as it is to you: and you might be
surprised to know that her desire to be penetrated
by the man she loves and trusts can be just as
strong as your desire to penetrate her. Many men
forget this. And it's also important to keep in mind
that this is a special act for a woman - one that
symbolises love, affection and intimacy. So when you
get to the moment of penetration, be sensitive and
respect the gift she is giving you in allowing you
into her body. Exactly how you approach the moment
of penetration will depend on the mood of the sex
you're enjoying (and the sexual position in which
you're enjoying it). Your sex may be assertive, a
wonderful meeting of masculine power and feminine
receptiveness, or it may be a gentle romantic
connection, symbolised by loving eye-contact as you
enter her vagina. In either case, be respectful and
if it feels appropriate, ask her "May I enter you?"
A final word of advice - if you have trouble getting
your penis in, don't fumble and fool around: be
straight, direct and honest - just ask her to guide
you in with her hand. Women hate an incompetent
lover.
5. Learn to be a good lover; don't come too soon
Premature ejaculation is a real problem for many
men. And it's true that women often don't understand
how out-of-control it can feel. In young men, it's
often the result of being too excited and aroused -
all that testosterone, and the urge to ejaculate
quickly is quite natural. Greater lovemaking skill
can come with age, but even so many men never bother
to learn the simple techniques that could help them
last longer in bed. All it requires is the decision
to do so, and the will-power to carry that decision
through, plus a little help from your partner.
And being a good lover means a few other things
too: like ensuring your body and penis are clean
before you have sex - the same is true for her
vulva, of course. And respecting her wishes as to
whether or not you ejaculate in her mouth during
oral sex. And not resting all your weight on her
unless she likes to feel you resting on top of her.
There are many more such things which will make your
lovemaking into a wonderful, memorable experience
for you both.
6. Respect her feelings
Men very often think that a woman "should" reach
orgasm every time she has sex. In fact, very few
women will do so - or even want to do so. The
hardest thing of all for men to understand is that a
woman may not even know before sex starts whether
she is going to want to have an orgasm, or be able
to do so in that particular session of lovemaking.
Men certainly need to grasp that orgasm may not be
important for a woman. Instead, the intimacy, the
cuddles, the kisses, and just feeling her man inside
her may be enough to give her great pleasure and
satisfaction during sex. So don't get hung up on
"giving" her an orgasm - it's her body, her orgasm,
and you're just helping her to discover if she's
going to have one that day!
And above all, don't sulk if she doesn't want sex
and you do. That's about as ungracious as male
behavior gets. You have a hand, so go and do
something with it, or ask her if she will help you
out.
7. Talk to each other
Talking about sex can be very difficult if you're
not used to discussing intimate matters. But good
communication is the essence of successful sex - and
non-critical communication at that. Be loving at all
times: if your partner isn't doing what you want,
but they are trying to please you, be kind and
gracious in the way you say what you want. A good
model is to say something like: "It feel great when
you do that, but it would be even better if you
moved your hand up a bit." In this way, no one needs
to feel unappreciated or criticised. And if there's
something really important you need to say to your
partner, talk about it afterwards when the emotional
heat has died away a bit. Then be straightforward
and loving; say what you want and need directly,
openly and as son as you can. Leaving things unsaid
in the hope that they will go away will seriously
interfere with the pleasure you get from your sex
life!
