"Why
isn't she with you?" "She left." "Why?" "There were
so many reasons." "There were not so many reasons.
There was only one. You made yourself too
available."
-From JOURNEY TO IXTLAN: THE LESSONS OF DON
JUAN by Carlos Castaneda.
The characters in the above scenario are men, but
women often make themselves too available in
relationships, as well. The consequences are usually
disastrous.
Hey, we tell ourselves, I like the guy. He might
be the one! Can't let him slip through my fingers!
So, we stay home and wedge the last bit of peanut
butter from the jar for dinner. Can't run out for
real food and risk missing his call!
When he does call, we move heaven and earth to
hang out with him. So what if we had plans to go out
with friends on Friday night? Cancel! So what if we
had a dentist appointment when he called at the last
minute about having football tickets. Cancel! Hey,
these things aren't important, right?
Wrong!
When you cancel prior agreements to be with a
guy, you're pretty much canceling your life. Deep
down, you don't feel good about it (your friends and
dentist don't feel good about it, either). You're
also telling the guy that you can't live without
him.
And that lowers your stock.
Let's turn the tables: Would you really want some
a guy who cancels plans with his friends to be with
you? Who calls you three times a day? Who treats you
like you're his one and only shot at happiness?
No, you wouldn't. Regardless of his education,
salary, sense of humor, and great looks, you'd stop
respecting him. Any attraction you once felt for him
would die a quick and sudden death.
You'd dump him and look for a guy who has a life.
Now, don't misunderstand me. I don't advocate
playing games. If a man calls you, you answer the
phone. If he leaves a message, you call him back.
But if he calls you at 7:30PM on Friday to go to a
football game on Saturday, I'd think twice about it.
In other words, don't let yourself be
taken for granted.
My mother told me of a rule she had when she was
dating: She'd never say yes to a date for a weekend
unless the guy asked her before Thursday. She
explained that a man would figure she didn't have
much going on if she didn't have plans by then. When
she told me this, I thought it sounded contrived and
stupid. But, as in most things, it turns out she was
right.
Remember this: Everybody, man or woman,
likes to win a prize. Being available, but
not too-available, makes you a prize.
As time goes on and your relationship with a guy
becomes serious, it's important to keep up your
hobbies, continue to see your friends, and do all
the things that make you who you are --things that
don't necessarily include him.
It makes you attractive. What's more, you'll like
yourself more for it. Women who like themselves are
especially desirable, sexy, and fun to be around.
Be that woman.
