In my private practice for over 14 years no
matter what my clients have come to see me about,
there has always been an issue about a better
relationship.
Here are 7 of the most common misconceptions my
clients have related to me about having a better
relationship. These misconceptions are followed by
my perspective on each one of them.
Myth 1: I have to love everything about my
partner.
Reality Check 1
You were born pure and pristine. You then learnt
behaviors from your parents, teacher, coaches,
church etc. (who did their best to teach you about a
better relationship). These behaviors have become
the backbone for your way of living and having a
better relationship.
Perhaps a common behavior that irritates having a
better relationship would be leaving the toilet seat
up after use. This is merely a behavior and not the
essence of the person. However, when you may
consider this behavior to be the person, this
destroys the concept of a better relationship,
creating all kinds of conflict in your need for a
better relationship.
(CC)
Katie Tegtmeyer
Myth 2: Love means that I can fix your partner.
Reality Check 2
You met your partner because of some special
quality or charteristic that you admired. You need
to accept and allow that quality to flourish in
order to allow you and your partner to grow into a
better relationship.
You may be unaware that you do not even like
yourself. Yet by allowing your partner to grow and
expand, you will experience the quality of your
partner and the beauty within you, as you begin to
enjoy a better relationship.
Myth 3: I am supposed to give up the things I
like in order to be in a better relationship.
Reality Check 3
Giving up the things you like to be in a better
relationship is like take a knife and cutting away a
part of yourself.
Your better relationship is based on the
uniqueness of you and your partner.
When you give up your uniqueness you rob yourself
of a better relationship, your passion and your
partner of your creativity.
Myth 4: I will be rescued by a knight in shining
armour.
Reality Check 4
You may have been conditioned to live your life
expecting someone to take care of you. What happens
if that person becomes ill? and is no longer able to
take care of you.
Your responsibility in creating a better
relationship, is to bring your passion to the table
of your relationship. Some days you will be the
knight in shining armour and another day your
partner will be the knight in shining armour of a
better relationship.
You will each get a chance to shine like star in
a better relationship because of your strengths and
weaknesses.
Myth 5: It cost a lot to be in a relationship.
Reality Check 5
In a material context, a better relationship can
be expensive if you think that love is based on the
bigger house, car or boat. Although some of these
material assets are necessary, they should not be at
the expense of creating a better relationship.
Love is creating a better relationship by
building a relationship that is based on the simple
things in life, like walking and holding hands,
going on a picnic (just the two of you), or sharing
an ice cream.
Love in a better relationship is not about what
you show on the outside but what you express in you
heart. Love is not about money or materialism, love
just is.
Myth 6: Love in a relationship is or is not a
feeling.
Reality Check 6
It is not what you say, it is what you do. You
can say, "I love you" which may be merely words and
no feelings (action). Love is the action of doing.
If you make a cup of tea for yourself, (the water
is boiled), make a cup of tea for your partner.
Whether your partner wants the tea or not is
irrelevant, it is the thought that counts and the
action that cements a better relationship.
Myth 7: I don't have to work at my relationship.
Reality Check 7
As a child, you learned to creep before you
walked. Then you learned the letters of the
alphabet. In order to write, you had to learn how to
put those letters together to make words and
sentences.
These sentences then become the way in which you
communicated.
When you and your partner stop communicating
after learning how to use the letters of the
alphabet in sentences, it's like 2 tape recorders
talking to each other - Nobody is at home to enjoy a
better relationship.
In summary:
1. Your partner's behavior in a better
relationship is not your partner's true essence.
2. There is no need to have a clone of yourself.
A better relationship requires some variety.
3. Giving up of your uniqueness to be in a better
relationship is like throwing out the baby with the
bath water.
4. In a better relationship there are no superior
partners, just equal partners.
5. Love in creating a better relationship is not
about money and the material assets (although there
are important) but the simple things in life.
6. Love in a better relationship is active not
passive.
7. Lack of communication crushes your desire for
a better relationship.
