"How
do you know when you've met the right one?"
Almost everyone asks this question at some point in
their lives; unfortunately, there are not too many
who get a concrete answer. But if you're reading
this article, then you're one of the lucky few.
Interestingly, the criteria for choosing a spouse
can be boiled down to just four characteristics. If
you can find somebody with all four then it's highly
likely that you've found your life partner.
1) What is This Person's Core Values?
Before you decide to marry someone, make sure that
they are fully committed to some kind of objective
moral and ethical standard. Whether we realize it or
not, everyone has some kind of core value that is
central to their personality. And when push comes to
shove, that value is going to be the most important
thing in the world to that person.
For example: Jerry's core value is adventure. When
Jerry starts to date Diana, he happens to be
volunteering at the local Emergency Room. He goes
there every night, holds people's hands, calms them
down. And Diana's thinking to herself that Jerry
must have a heart of gold if this is how he's
spending his spare time. Now, Jerry might really
have a heart of gold. But he's volunteering because
of his love for adventure. The ER is filled with
action, it's exciting. So right now,
Jerry's adventurousness happens to be expressing
itself in a kind way. But that could change. Jerry
might stop volunteering, and start trying other
adventures that Diana may find unpleasant,
dangerous, or even unethical.
However, if Jerry's core value is a commitment to
goodness and caring, then everything he does will
rotate around that, including his marriage. And
Diana will be a very lucky woman if she marries him.
So how do you get to know the true Jerry?
Surprisingly, it's not that difficult. No matter
what a person's core value is, you will see him or
her sacrificing for it on a daily basis. If Jerry's
core value is adventure, then he might risk an
accident in order to speed through an intersection
or arrive late at work because he followed a police
chase. If Diana follows him carefully, she'll see
that he places adventure above other important
things on his list of priorities.
But if Jerry's core value is goodness, then Diana
will see him give up on certain things in order to
be kind. If the waiter mixes up his order, he'll say
thank you and eat the dish anyway. He'll let the
other guy cross the intersection first, or he might
be late to work because he drove a little old lady
home with her groceries. If Diana follows him
carefully, then she'll see him let go of some of his
own desires in order to take care of other people.
So look for someone who is committed at the core to
a higher set of values that you can appreciate.
2) Does This Person Treat Others Well?
Number two is obvious: You want to marry someone who
is going to take care of you and treat you well. How
to figure it out?
Simple. Spend time with this person, and pay
attention to how they treat others whom they don't
necessarily care about because they're not trying to
charm them. Do they thank the attendant who pumped
gas for them? Are they courteous to people at
checkout counters? Do they curse out people who
don't deliver on time, like telephone operators or
overworked waitresses? Do they tend to drive
aggressively, as if there's no one else on the road?
Ask yourself questions like these and take note of
the answers - because they reflect characteristics
that will come out down the line. Most people don't
guard themselves so carefully that they'll hide how
they treat others. So watch them, and you'll know
how they're going to treat you after you're married.
3) Do We Communicate Well With Each Other?
In other words, make sure that you understand each
other. This may seem obvious, but it's not.
Sometimes you can see a couple in a fight and they
argue for an hour, two hours, maybe even overnight.
And then, at the end of round 16, it turns out that
the whole thing was just a misunderstanding: Oh, I
thought you meant that. That's not what you meant?
Oh, then we agree.
Although on an occasional basis this can happen to
anyone, if it's happening constantly then it's not a
good sign because that may not change. If you're
constantly misunderstanding each other, then you
might want to put this relationship on hold for a
while.
4) Are We Physically Attracted to Each Other?
Physical attraction is an essential part of
marriage. You cannot marry someone if you aren't
physically attracted to them. And while men arrive
at this conclusion somewhat quickly, women should
give themselves some more time. Very often, a woman
may not feel attracted to a man initially, but after
she gets to know him she finds him much more
attractive than before.
A word of caution: Although physical attraction is
essential, you can't base a marriage on physicality.
Whatever is going on physically is meant to be an
expression of something deep that is happening on
the emotional and spiritual level.
The rule is - make sure that physical attraction is
there, but don't get swept away by it. The other
three characteristics are just as important, if not
more so.
So there you have it. The next time you date
someone, put what you've learned here into practice.
It'll save you a lot of time and heartache, and you
might find yourself walking down the aisle faster
than you think.
